Envy

I had been invited by a group of prayer warriors to participate in a devotional reading plan through the Bible App. It was a short commitment, and I looked forward to all of us doing it together. Day two was all about envy. While I’m was aware of many envious moments in my life, I didn’t make a close connection to the devotion.

I had been cranky and sad the entire day. I had shared with my husband my frustration with not being able to travel or go away for a couple of days. It usually takes until February for cabin fever to strike. This year it was worse and striking in November. I just wanted a change of scenery. My mind was flooded with all the ways friends had managed to escape the isolation of the pandemic. That’s when it hit.

I was struggling with envy. The devotional reminded me that envy is self focused and self righteous. It was feeling entitled. I was feeling anxious. I really wanted to through a temper tantrum. I was ready to jump in the car and start driving to anywhere.

21-24 When I was beleaguered and bitter,
    totally consumed by envy,
I was totally ignorant, a dumb ox
    in your very presence.
I’m still in your presence,
    but you’ve taken my hand.
You wisely and tenderly lead me,
    and then you bless me. 25-28 You’re all I want in heaven!
    You’re all I want on earth!
When my skin sags and my bones get brittle,
    God is rock-firm and faithful.
Look! Those who left you are falling apart!
    Deserters, they’ll never be heard from again.
But I’m in the very presence of God—
    oh, how refreshing it is!
I’ve made Lord God my home.
    God, I’m telling the world what you do! (Psalm 73:21-28 MSG)

God made me very aware of my bitterness and that I had taken the devotional too lightly. He was reminding me that He has my hand, He is faithful, and He will refresh my heart.

Envy is sneaky. It felt right. If I let God, He will show me the way. He provides time with friends. He provides connections in new ways. He reminds me that just getting outdoors renews my soul. I need to lean in closely to the One who provides and not the negative, crabby wants of my heart.

Are you experiencing envy? How does it show up in your life? How do you get past it? Share your experience here and breathe life and bring hope to others.

4 thoughts on “Envy

  1. I was shaken yesterday by an interaction with another person and have been in an ugly mental loop since then. I hadn’t thought of it as envy but the Psalm fits and certainly I do wish things were better. I appreciate the insight that I can refocus and offer up my hurt to God.

  2. After being divorced for nearly 10 years, I had closed off my heart and emotions, until I let my guard and started really liking someone—–who really likes someone else. Now being overweight and middle-aged doesnt help the fact that I am wrestling with envy and sadness and anger. I want to move past these nasty emotions that I dont want to experience. I want to go back to the day before I ever met the person and bypass this pain–feelings of rejection and loneliness- instead i put a smile on my face and walk towards Valentine;s day like i have cement in my shoes, eagerly awaiting the day this wont hurt so much anymore.

    1. Unfortunately, the only way for the pain to truly end is to walk through it. Praying your journey to wholeness comes soon.

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