Feeling Controlled

The snow this morning was a cruel joke that added to this caged feeling that is mounting inside. The social distancing mandate has given way to some challenging conversations. Do we order take out? Do I run to the store? Hubby and I see this slightly differently, but differently enough for me to start feeling controlled.

I really don’t like being told what to do or feeling forced to fit in a box. When that feeling starts to rise up, I lash out at those closest to me (sorry honey) rather than looking internally.

It was the same with my faith. Years ago (a lot of years ago), friends who approached their Christian walk differently than I did, left me feeling like my faith was inadequate. In my head I would scream, “You can tell me what to believe. You can’t tell me how to live out my faith.” Fear was driving my reaction. Fear is what brought the feeling of being controlled.

It’s true. Others can’t tell me what to believe or do, but it is also true that fear was driving my need to lash out. I wasn’t reacting out of confidence and conviction. I was reacting out of the fear of having to change. I didn’t want to examine my own beliefs or behaviors. I wanted to continue on in my comfort zone.

The problem is fear prevents me from looking at areas God may be calling me to grown in. The problem is fear keeps me from moving forward. It allows me to become stagnant. If I’m stagnant, living water cannot flow through me.

7-8 A woman, a Samaritan, came to draw water. Jesus said, “Would you give me a drink of water?” (His disciples had gone to the village to buy food for lunch.) The Samaritan woman, taken aback, asked, “How come you, a Jew, are asking me, a Samaritan woman, for a drink?” (Jews in those days wouldn’t be caught dead talking to Samaritans.) 10 Jesus answered, “If you knew the generosity of God and who I am, you would be asking me for a drink, and I would give you fresh, living water.” (John 4:7-10 MSG).

I don’t want fear to prevent me from the Living Water. I don’t want fear to leave me feeling controlled, and allowing me to become stagnant. I know if I want to lash out the root is probably fear, and I need to face it, move through it, to become free.

Are you feeling controlled? Are you wanting to lash out? How do you face your fears? Are you allowing the Living Water to flow through you? Share your experience here and breathe life and bring hope to others.

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