“It happened again.” “This always happens to me.” “Do I have a neon sign on my forehead?” These are all phrases I have said to myself. Certain situations in my life seem to reoccur. Over and over again, I find myself having the same argument. I find myself feeling defeated, undermined, or not enough. Then I ask God, “Why this again? Why me again?”

I would pray and ask God to stop this from happening. I would ask God to fix the other person. I would ask to have the circumstances change. Then it would happen again. I would go through the same prayers. Rinse and repeat. The whole time God was trying to show me that it’s me.

Soak me in your laundry and I’ll come out clean, scrub me and I’ll have a snow-white life. Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. Don’t look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. Don’t throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails! Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home. (Psalm 51:7-14 MSG)

“Scrub me and I’ll have a snow-white life.” When I invite God into my life, I invite a holy cleansing. I invite a holy life change. I invite difficult, self revealing change. This scripture reminds me that I have invited God to breathe holiness in me by cleaning my blemishes.

When God sees something in my heart that isn’t focused on love and mercy, I am reminded of it repeatedly until I recognize it. Once I recognize it, God guides me through change and restoration. It’s never easy. It is always painful to own my faults and the damage they have done. Changing and growing in love is worth it every time. My fears and anxieties lessen. My capacity for love grows. My relationships strengthens and my dependence on God intensifies.

It’s me, is now a situation I look for and welcome. As much as I know it won’t be easy, I know God is cleansing me to be a testimony for others, and I am always better for the journey.

Are you willing to look at situations to see if the answer you have been looking for is, “It’s me?” Are you willing to let God reveal your fears and anxieties to cleanse your heart? Share your experience here and breathe life and bring hope to others.