I haven’t shared much about my physical journey to wellbeing. Physically strong and confident are not words that I would use to describe myself. Sexual abuse and assault changed the way I saw myself. Deep down, I saw myself as repulsive. The only way to combat these feelings was to perfect my diet and exercise except it didn’t work.
Just over a year ago, I started a new workout program and working with a coach to keep me accountable. Slowly, I found myself getting stronger, my energy level increasing, and my confidence growing. All the while, I was also working on my self-image internally, teaching myself to love my body.
Recently, I finished a nine week program that pushed my limits of strength and endurance. It challenged me to move in ways my body couldn’t a year ago. As the program was coming to end, I was also finally feeling free from seeing myself as physically repulsive. When I reached the end of the 45th workout in the program, pushed to my limit, I broke down in tears. I was truly strong and confident. I was no longer repulsive. God had once again scrubbed me clean.
Soak me in your laundry and I’ll come out clean, scrub me and I’ll have a snow-white life. Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. Don’t look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. Don’t throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails! Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home. Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God, and I’ll sing anthems to your life-giving ways. Unbutton my lips, dear God; I’ll let loose with your praise. (Psalm 51:7-15 MSG).
Physical wellbeing and emotional wellbeing are intricately connected. This last year has made that very clear to me. God continues to show me how He’s committed to my inner cleanliness. I will continue to sing His praises for the wholeness He has given me.
Are you strong and confident? Have you been freed from the darkness you hold deep down inside? How is God restoring your heart? Share your experience here and breathe life and bring hope to others.