I am often asked why I didn’t become a pastor. The truth is the thought of going to seminary scared me. I was scared that I wasn’t Christian enough. I was scared I was going to have to change. I didn’t want to become like the people who always talked in Scriptures and prayed using Father as every other word. I could never live up to my perception of their standards. They were too Christian for me.

I had a very basic understanding of God’s love and grace. I wanted to keep it that way. I didn’t want to feel judged for not being enough. I was hostile toward anyone who appeared too Christian. They had no idea I was feeling less than. I was certain they didn’t want to know the true me.

What I was missing was the true transformation that comes when we trust God with the darkest parts of our lives. I was missing the wholeness that comes from the One who makes everything come out right.

God makes everything come out right;
    he puts victims back on their feet.
He showed Moses how he went about his work,
    opened up his plans to all Israel.
God is sheer mercy and grace;
    not easily angered, he’s rich in love.
He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold,
    nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve,
    nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth,
    so strong is his love to those who fear him.
And as far as sunrise is from sunset,
    he has separated us from our sins. (Psalm 103: 6-14 MSG).

Slowly, my heart softened. Slowly, I let down my walls of protection. Slowly, God showed me unconditional love and undeserved grace. Slowly, I opened up to the transforming love that can heal and change a heart into a new person. As reluctant as I was, God continued to pursue. God continued to open my eyes to a love bigger than I could understand.

God is in endless pursuit of our hearts. I was slow to accept it, but I’m externally grateful He didn’t give up on me. Trusting Him to transform my heart has brought healing and wholeness is ways I didn’t think were possible. It was for others not me. I’m thankful I was wrong. It is for me and for you.

Do you see others as too Christian? Have you let God begin to transform your heart? Are you holding Him back? How have you experienced God’s unconditional love and grace? Share your experience here and breathe life and bring hope to others.