A New Path

I was headed down a path. It seemed like the right path to be on. It was predictable. I didn’t like everything on the path, but it felt normal. I got used to moments of anxiety and fear. They didn’t happen very often, but they were there. I needed a new path.

I, of course, thought I could fix myself. I tried different techniques from EFT (tapping) to meditation to calm the fears, to feel safe. They helped. Acute anxiety and fear would diminish, but a low level of anxiety and fear became ever present. It became more easily triggered. A mere tone of voice could put me over the edge into panic.

Why would I panic? What was it about a tone of voice? It had nothing to do with the present moment. It had to do with my childhood and a dad who could be very angry, excessivly angry. The little girl who witnessed that level of anger has heightened fight, flight or freeze system.

God’s been reminding me that I don’t have to do this alone, and that I could be rid of this faster with help. I’m not good at asking for help. It’s even harder to admit I need help. It’s easy to direct others to proper care, yet I still resist it for myself. Even sharing this here has been a wrestling match. God reminds me there is healing in sharing, there is healing in a new path.

28-29 Do you see what we’ve got? An unshakable kingdom! And do you see how thankful we must be? Not only thankful, but brimming with worship, deeply reverent before God. For God is not an indifferent bystander. He’s actively cleaning house, torching all that needs to burn, and he won’t quit until it’s all cleansed. God himself is Fire! (Hebrews 12:28-29 MSG).

This is the scripture God brought me to when this journey started. He is not an indifferent bystander. He cares about my fears and anxiety. He wants me to feel safe. He has brought me to a new treatment/therapy. It’s time for me to get back to work on me. It is hard. I didn’t want to be in this place again. But, I know He keeps His promises! I know the joy and freedom that comes from doing the work. I so look forward to feeling restored again. I am ready to embrace a new path.

Trusting God can be a difficult leap for some of us. Sometimes He asks us to engage in something that feels too hard. Emotional wellbeing effects every aspect of our lives and He is committed to helping us clean our inner house. I’m reminded how hard it is to take the leap and humbled to share it with others. Here I go again :0)

What are you ignoring within yourself? Is God calling you to an inner house cleaning? Are you struggling to say yes to the work? Share your experience here and breathe life and bring hope to others.

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