I am a fixer. Ask anyone who knows me. I love to offer advise, my knowledge, do research, anything to help someone improve their wellbeing. I see this as a positive. I’m offering help. I want everyone to become the best version of themselves.
As I continue working on healing wounds from the past, sometimes I have to face something that also pierces me. Sometimes, I have to acknowledge pain I have caused for the wound to heal.
Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed. (Isaiah 53:4-5 NIV)
The Holy Spirit helped me see that being a fixer isn’t always a good thing. Apparently, my information and advise isn’t always welcome, and unfortunately can leave the person feeling less than. The Spirit impressed on me that my need to fix has hurt my children. At times it has left them feeling as though they are not enough. This broke my heart. It pierced. Healing this wound was going to require more than just being aware.
I went to both of my children and apologized for my need to fix. I apologized for anytime I left them feeling not enough or less than. They both nodded and smiled. It was clear that they were very familiar with my fixer tendencies and there were times when it hurt them. I gave them permission to tell me if I start doing it again. Knowing that I have been doing this for my entire life, it’s going to be a hard habit to break.
Healing deep wounds can cause some initial pain. Seeing the appreciation from my kids, made it entirely worth it. The last thing I want to do is hurt my kids, and I never want them to feel not enough. Trusting the healing promised in Isaiah, that He takes our wounds and brings healing, is one of the best decisions I have ever made.
Are you a fixer? Have you had to acknowledge that you have caused someone pain? Have you experienced healing through Christ? Share your experience here and breathe life and bring hope to others.