LosingMy husband is very competitive and always wins. When we were dating he asked me if I wanted to play Scrabble. I innocently said yes. Little did I know that this was a game that he had played with mom and grandma growing up. He knew the craziest words for mega points. I was completely unaware of the strategy they used to land a triple word score. I was out of my league.

Scrabble wasn’t the only game. I don’t like losing, but it was every game. I even tried to introduce him to games I would generally win at such as Backgammon. And, initially I did win, but it didn’t take long and he started winning. I finally had to surrender to the fact that playing games with him meant I was going to lose.

This is how my relationship with God often goes. God nudges me to do something or move in a specific direction and I get uncomfortable. It might seem hard or a little scary, so I push back. I often feel like Jacob wrestling with God in the book of Genesis. The wrestle for the last year has been on developing my “brand” as marketing folks call it. It has been so far out of my comfort zone. I have found myself throwing temper tantrums and dragging my feet to move forward. Yet all along, I knew I was losing.

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.Matthew 16:24-25.

A long time ago, I made a commitment to follow Jesus wherever he led me. So, why do I fight? His way always works out better than mine. Deep inside there is this very human and delicate place where the fear of failure lives. I don’t want to feel humiliation. I don’t want to be a disappointment to my family. What lies inside is more than a simple let down. It’s my entire person being a failure, a disappointment, a loser. My mind knows the blessings that always come when I let Jesus lead, but my heart still feels the pain of losing. So, I wrestle with God.

Overcoming a world built on winning and losing is hard. Overcoming decades of fear planted by a seed of shame that has impacted my life over and over makes my knees buckle. I think it is time to uproot this fear and walk in the freedom and joy God desires for all of us. I’m breathing deep in the life the God gives. Will you join me?

What are you wrestling with? How have you learned to overcome fear? Share here and bring hope to others.

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