Life’s experiences growing up taught me a version of power, but not true power. I had been living through the belief system that power = men = pain. Growing up the men in my life were the ones in power and their power brought pain, physical and emotional pain.
I came to this realization recently. In working with a skilled professional, I came to understand that I have spent my life in a state of vigilant anticipation. I hardened my heart and kept others at a distance to protect myself from the anticipated pain. It was a reasonable defense system, but one that had worn out my adrenal glands and nervous system. I was ready to do life differently.
Realizing I was still waiting for pain to come, came another realization. I had spent 27 years (24 of marriage and 3 of dating) waiting for my husband to inflict pain, waiting for him to cross the line. It wasn’t overt. It was an underlying hyper vigilance of waiting and not dropping my guard. He has never crossed that line. Never. He knew my pain and fear and simply allowed it to be part of me. That is what true power looks like.
13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13 NIV).
Realizing this had been part of my marriage and family hurt deeply. Understanding that I had given up all of my personal power because power equals pain, made sense. There was only one way I wanted to get my power back, through the true power of Jesus. I visualized Jesus filling me with His power and light. It was much like a blast from Iron Man’s hand. I felt changed.
It may sound strange but after all of this, I feel lighter. I feel whole. I feel free and believe I am free. I am so grateful that this is no longer in my marriage.
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. (John 8:36 NIV.)
It is easy for this world to distort power. Being realigned to the true source of power and reflecting that back into the world, is life giving.
What is your definition of power? Is it interfering with your wholeness? Are you ready to lean into the true power source? Share your experience here and breathe life and bring hope to others.