It happened again. Anxiety took over. There was no logic behind it. I became a puddle in a good old ugly cry. I didn’t come to the answer on my own. With the work I’ve been doing with a professional, it became clear that as a teenager I had decided that I was unlovable, unworthy of love. All I could think was change my heart, God.
The tears continued to pour out as we talked through this pivotal moment. I had decided it was safer to be alone than let others in. Is was safer to alone than seek approval from others. It was safer to be alone than trust God’s love.
An unconscious decision as a teenager changed my heart toward, myself, others and God. It caused me to put up a wall, a wall between myself and others, as well as, a wall between myself and God. I knew His teachings and believed in Him, but kept him at arms length.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10 NIV).
26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. (Ezekiel 36:26 NIV).
I wanted to change this subtle underlying belief that was still impacting my life. I wanted to claim this scripture from Ezekiel as a promise for my heart. I wanted to continue to chip away at the wall I had put up between myself and God.
I was invited with eyes closed to envision Jesus taking all the hurt and feelings of being unworthy. I saw Him wrapped in white lights to bright to look at absorbing all the hurt and pain. I was then told that Jesus had a gift for me. She asked what it was. I told her He handed me a diamond. She asked why. He said it was because I’m precious. I was overwhelmed by what a simple guided meditation could do for my heart. At the same time, I knew this is exactly what God would do to let me know how great His love is. This is exactly what He would to do change my heart.
Have you heard lately that you are precious? Are you in need of a changed heart? Cry out to God. See what He has for you. You are precious in His sight.
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