I’m wrestling with God’s will. I’ll say up front, I don’t have an answer either. At church they recounted the last week of Jesus’ life. A scripture I have read over and over struck me differently and now I’m wrestling.
35 Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. 36 “Abba [means Daddy], Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cupfrom me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” (Mark 14:35 NIV).
The torture and death of Jesus was God’s will. It was the only way to resurrection. Jesus had to experience all of the pain, sorrow, and despair we feel. That puts the power in resurrection. It makes God’s love for us undeniable.
This got me thinking. I’m sure others who have been victimized or suffered deeply have thought this, too. Was my suffering God’s will or someone else’s free will? At minimum God allowed the violence, molestation and rape, but was it His will? It has become my story, my testimony. I have no doubt God was with me through all of it. My life today is a resurrection from all of it. A resurrection that could only happen through God.
I have worked really hard to not succumb to my circumstances. The thought that those circumstances were God’s will does not sit well. God is my protector, my comforter, my shield. How could this be His will? If His will is to build my testimony, it feels manipulative. If His will is to show me unconditional love and care in the midst of darkness, that is what I chase after.
I will never know on this earth where His will ends and free will begins. Part of me doesn’t want to know. I choose the Comforter. I choose the One who restored my soul. I choose the One who has transformed my life and circumstances into a testimony of His love, grace and mercy.
Have you wrestled with God’s will? How do you feel about free will? How have you overcome your circumstances? Share your experience here and breathe life and bring hope to others.