My Apologies

“My apologies,” is a phrase I am saying more often than I would like these days. At work, I allow myself two mistakes per semester recognizing that we all make mistakes. It is easy for me to accept the mistakes of others, but not so easy to accept my own. Recently, I have been falling short of my own high self standard. My schedule has been exceptionally full, and yes, it largely my fault.

Stress, to many tasks occupying my brain, and not enough hours in the day have increased my mistakes. I believe we need to own our mistakes so the phrase, “My apologies” has become my mantra.

Let’s be honest, apologizing for minor errors is easy. Causing a wound in a relationship, getting angry, insisting on our way, letting someone down are all much harder to own. They bring feelings of guilt and even shame coupled with fear. We want to protect ourselves. We want others to see us in a perfect light including God.

Teach me how to live to please you,
because you’re my God.
Lead me by your blessed Spirit
into cleared and level pastureland. (Psalm 143;10 MSG). 

37 …Jesus answered, “You tell me. Because I am King, I was born and entered the world so that I could witness to the truth. Everyone who cares for truth, who has any feeling for the truth, recognizes my voice.” (John 18:37 MSG).

Often the lessons I most need to learn lead me to remorse. My heart aches. I would rather ignore them and pretend they didn’t happen. The problem is, if I do nothing, I’m likely to face the same lesson over and over. Deciding to face those mistakes allows for healing and growth. It allows God to teach me to live in a way pleasing to Him. It still requires the phrase, “my apologies.” I will need to apologize to the one I hurt and to God. As soon as I do, healing begins. The hurt begins to subside. I become stronger, more compassionate and less focused on me.

God forgive me for resisting to do what is right out of fear, ignorance or self-interest. Show me your ways, and lead me by your Spirit. You care for truth and I chose to follow your voice. A voice that leads to grace, compassion and wholeness.

How are you at apologies? Do you resist? Do you hear the voice of God guiding you to a new wholeness? Share your story here and breathe life and bring hope to others.

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