Old Tapes

I have these old tapes that have been running through my head for decades. They tell me I’m not good enough. They tell me I’m fat and ugly. They tell me that I need to look fashionable to be accepted. They tell me I’m not lovable unless I look perfect.

My logical brain knows these tapes are lies. I have gotten pretty good at quieting the voice that tells me these things, but it is never gone. It’s quieter when I’m exercising, sleeping, and my pants fit comfortably. The voice gets louder if the scale goes up. It’s time for the old tapes to go.

I have used positive self talk, diets, knowledge, prayer, giving it to God and more to break the tape. Yet, lately the tape has been pretty loud. It was time to try something new. I held onto this promise and called a professional.

His voice that time shook the earth to its foundations; this time—he’s told us this quite plainly—he’ll also rock the heavens: “One last shaking, from top to bottom, stem to stern.” The phrase “one last shaking” means a thorough housecleaning, getting rid of all the historical and religious junk so that the unshakable essentials stand clear and uncluttered. 28-29 Do you see what we’ve got? An unshakable kingdom! And do you see how thankful we must be? Not only thankful, but brimming with worship, deeply reverent before God. For God is not an indifferent bystander. He’s actively cleaning house, torching all that needs to burn, and he won’t quit until it’s all cleansed. God himself is Fire! (Hebrews 12:26-29 MSG).

She asked me to visualize how big the fear is. It was the size of a house. She had me invite Jesus in to help remove the tape. I saw it as a large rope being pulled from my head. There was a big knot on the end with frayed strings in every part of my brain. Jesus took it all. He didn’t quit until it was all cleansed. Now it is my turn to live into the promise and stop the old tape before it can take root.

I know this sounds strange, but I felt it leave. I feel different now. I know I have to live into a new way of being. I think it’s time. I’m thankful for the gift of inner cleaning.

Do you have old tapes? How long have they been haunting you? Are you ready to let them go? Do you trust that Jesus will take them? Share your experience here and breathe life and bring hope to others.

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