A Dark Place

A dark place

I was in a dark place. I was in junior high sitting on my bedroom floor with a knife in my hand. I felt unseen and alone. I wondered about how much it would hurt to slice my wrists open. Could I actually do it? Would anyone care if I wasn’t here anymore?

That young girl had already endured a lot, but something outside of her kept her here. She was a fledgling in her faith. She knew there was a God that loved her, but she didn’t understand what that really meant. Yet, the promise of hope kept her here. It was a promise she didn’t understand but by faith decided to trust.

28 Do you not know?
    Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
    and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31 NIV)

The promise of the this scripture is that God will meet us in a dark place. He will renew our strength. He is our hope. Our light in the darkness. This is what I held onto. This is what I still hold onto.

As someone who has lost several dear ones to suicide, the gravity of where I was at all those years ago weighs heavily. Why did I choose life when others didn’t? I’ll never know. What I do know is that God was there in that moment inviting me to stay on earth with the promise of hope. It’s my prayer that hope finds you as well.

When a dark place finds you, where do you turn? How has hope saved you? Share your experience here and breathe life and bring hope to others.

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